This is the end...

... of my journey into pig-keeping.

I got Edward (I've been trying to think of it as just meat, but can't) back on Saturday in pieces and although I haven't cried & got upset, I'm really not ok about it all. I've tried hard to detach myself & I know Edward & Tubbs would have been raised for meat regardless of my involvement, and I know they had a lovely life & were happy and enjoyed themselves, but I would be happier eating them had I not known them personally. So, I made the difficult decision to not pick up the weaners yesterday & I've hung my pig-keeping hat up. For now at least. Maybe I'll feel differently in a few weeks, but I just can't put myself through this again right now. Thankfully, I'm not in a situation where I have to continue - it's a terrible shame that the fabulous area in the barn that Jack fashioned for them is going to go to waste - I do feel really bad about that, but maybe I'll keep some chickens in there instead. At least it'll get used for something. And if all else fails, Jeff can claim it back for work-shop area for his furniture making hobby.

It's taken a lot of soul searching this weekend to come to this conclusion & I feel embarrassed having to tell you all that I'm wimping out, but I just can't do it, I'm really sorry. I know it's ridiculous, but I feel that after what I've done, I've been changed and I don't know if it's for the better in my head.

After coming to this decision, I've thought about becoming a vegetarian, but I don't know if I can or even if it's necessary for me to. I think that as long as I continue to source meat from the local farm shop where I know it's been raised in a non-intensive way, I'll still be keeping my newly found morals about meat. I just don't want to know the animals personally and I don't think that's a bad thing - or is it? I'd really like to hear your views on this, no matter what they are - I feel crap enough as it is, and maybe the opinions of you guys would help me be less blinkered.

So, the Virgin Porker is no longer a virgin porker & is out of business. What happens to my blog now?! Do I continue with tales of kennel life? Again, let me know what you think.

I hope you can all forgive me for wimping out, but mostly I hope I'll be able to come to terms with it all myself. It's bloody hard.

Alex x

Just call me the Grim Reaper

I swear I can here the Death March when I'm walking about now... It's been a death-filled week so far & there are still a couple of days left! You might remember me talking about Twinkle the very old cat who has been near to death the last few times she's been in? Well, the Grim Reaper has worked her magic & Twinkle no longer twinkles. Found her stiff as a board in her little pen.

Right, who can I kill next?

VP x

All's a little quiet for my liking

It's a bit odd not hearing Edward & Tubbs (I'm feeling stronger today & can use their names) grunting and snuffling around in the barn when I go in there & also not having their snouts pressed up against the gate and shouting for more grub when I'm sorting the dog's runs out... The piece of land they had to wander around on backs onto one lot of kennels you see... It's funny, but they were absolutely not fazed one bit by dogs' barks. It never seemed to bother them in the slightest. Good thing it didn't really I suppose as I could hardly have fashioned ear plugs for them! So it just feels weird not having them here & even John has said so. I feel really bad that after all of his hard work, Jack didn't get to say goodbye to them (he didn't come in on Monday as the snow stopped him travelling) - he seemed a bit sad when I told him they'd finally gone yesterday when he arrived. Still, he'll get to taste the fruits of our labour as I'll be giving him & his wife some meat when I get it back.

So, I'm already looking forward to the sound of little grunts and squeaks again when I pick Kitty & Joan up on Sunday. I have to confess, I'm feeling so brave now that I'm even thinking about maybe getting one more & breeding from her. DON'T TELL JOHN!!!

Hugh F-W had better watch out - this girl's on a roll.

Speak soon.

VP x

Well, it's done.

I woke up this morning with a headache & eyes that looked like a sheep's fanny. I made the big mistake last night of going in to see E & T (can no longer call them by their full names) after a couple of glasses of wine to say goodbye. It was awful, I just couldn't stop crying & felt physically sick at the thought of what I was going to do today. I gave them lots of cuddles & a good brush until Jeff came and rescued me - I think I would have ended up sleeping with them if I'd been left to my own devices...

So this morning, my eyes were puffy & red & I was absolutely dreading Trevor's arrival at 8. With every minute that passed, my heart was beating faster (literally, even though I know that sounds a bit dramatic). When he turned up, I just went into auto-pilot. I didn't think about what we were doing, it was just all hands on deck to try to get these two fairly huge pigs into the back of Trevor's trailer. I thought that not feeding them this morning would've helped, but to be honest it didn't! They came out of their pen ok, but then wanted to sniff & poke at bloody everything in sight. Trevor was behind them trying to push them along a bit faster with a big piece of board & Jeff was at the side of them guiding them in the direction we wanted them to go & I was in front of them with a feed bucket doing my best to get them to follow me. We got them to the foot of the trailer eventually, but getting them up the ramp was not easy. There was quite a bit of protest squealing & grunting & maybe a little bit of swearing but we finally got them up into the trailer. I've no idea how we could've done it any easier - if anyone out there has any tips, they'd be greatly appreciated...

So off Trevor & I went to the abattoir which is only about a 20 minute drive from here. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, although I was a bit put off by the size of the place. It's apparently a 'medium-sized' abattoir and I understand there are no longer any small ones near here, but I'm going to research that a bit more for my next pigs. There were quite a lot of vehicles pulling in at the same time - not huge trucks, but trailers. Nothing actually happened there which made me worry or believe they were going to be treated badly, nothing like that, but because they had a reasonable amount of livestock to deal with, E & T were left in a holding pen & Trevor & I had to leave them there. I was told they would be there an absolute maximum of 30 minutes, but I wasn't that happy as we drove off. They were actually fine - it's a lovely sunny day here & to be honest, I think they were just wondering what all the fuss was about - they happily trotted off up to the pen & were last seen snuffling around, marveling at the new sights & smells. There were no terrible noises coming from inside the building, I just would have rather them go straight in & be dealt with. Of course I know that nobody was mean to them after I left, but there's always a niggling voice telling you otherwise, isn't there? Especially when you're a worrier like I am! As Trevor said though, it's us who put a human perspective on the whole process - those two pigs were absolutely none the wiser about what was going to happen & I do honestly believe that.

I did get a bit teary after I'd seen their fat bums waddling off up the ramp, but I'm fine now, just a bit shell-shocked I suppose.

I'm still a little bit worried that I wont be able to eat their meat, but I'm sure after a couple of days, I'll feel differently. Trevor will have butchered E for us after they get delivered to him tomorrow & I'm going to pick the meat up on Friday from him. He's going to keep T on ice until the wedding party... So, all being well, we might just be having pork for Sunday lunch this weekend. I'll obviously let you know how that all goes!

So, lessons learned from this experience:

- never go in to say goodbye
- don't get so wound up about the whole thing, it's actually not that bad
- before the day of reckoning, get them used to moving from one area to another!

I'm amazed I've managed to do this, but I'm really proud of myself for doing it. Living in a city, I was so far removed from the food chain & never gave any of this stuff a second thought. This is real life and maybe if everyone got a little closer to it in some small way, we wouldn't have so much animal cruelty in the world, all for the sake of our tummies...

I'll have a drink to my two pigs this evening, I hope you'll all join me.

Speak soon.

VP x

They've been reprieved! Well, for a couple of days at least...

Spoke to Trevor this morning - the phone is back on at last. We're taking Eddie & Tubbs on Tuesday. Leaving here at 8am, so at least I don't have hours to watch them go about their day, knowing what's going to happen to them. It'll be up & at 'em without, hopefully, too much time to stress about it. I just need to figure how we're going to get them from the barn to the trailer. They came in a hell of a lot easier than they're going to go out!! Should be a fun morning. What with that & the inevitable tears, I'm gonna end up with a helluva headache, aren't I??

After I found this out, I spoke to the lady at the college & I'll get my 2 weaners on Sunday week - gives me time to disinfect the barn & make it all cosy for the babies' arrival. They're definitely going to be called Kitty & Joan. I've spoken to my nanny & she said she's honoured. Bless her. She said as long as they're fat & tasty like her, she's happy. She's so funny my nan.

Anyway, thought I should let you know as I've already had a message from my Fairy friend asking if I'm ok - she thought they'd gone. Thanks for your kind words Fairy, but hold those thoughts til Tuesday....

VP x

The Green Mile

As the day is nearing, I'm having great trouble getting to sleep. I keep seeing them wrenched off of their feet & having their throats cut. Damn that bloody Kill It, Cook It, Eat It programme... I think it's going to be tomorrow, but our home phone is out of order & I've had to be at the surgery all day today so I don't know whether the butcher has sorted it for the morning or Friday morning. The abattoir only takes them up to 11am, so if he's not here by 10ish, they'll have been reprieved for a day. I hope they are as the weather's due to be lovely tomorrow - it'll be nice to see them snuffling around in the sunshine for the last time. Oh God, just typing that has caused tears to prick my eyes.

Sorry for not blogging much of late, I'm feeling increasingly low as their end looms. Exacerbated by the fact that BT just can't seem to grasp how important it is to have a bloody landline here. Mobiles are out of range unless you walk up to the field & hang off of a tree & I can't sit at the pc all day. We might be living in the 21st century, but sometimes I feel that this little bit of County Durham is still nestled somewhere in the 18th century... I've no idea what the problem is, but the engineer who finally called in late this afternoon (reported the fault 2 days ago) said that he thinks it's a problem way down the line and that he'll have to pass it on to his 'underground engineers' who'll call me on my mobile to let me know what's going on. Cosmic.

I shall try to keep my chin up for the sake of the two new weaners who are still due to be coming this weekend or early next week. I'm thinking about names. Is it terrible of me to be considering naming them Kitty & Joanie after my nanny & her twin?

VP x

I feel like a bit of a fraud....

It's not like I'm a proper pig farmer, is it? I mean, I read all about my pal Malc's antics & he's really into this now - he has a couple of sows ready to pop their first litter & he's managing to take his first two pigs to their optimum weight before they go to slaughter. Having seen how big pigs get at the age of a year, I realise my two poor buggers are far from fully grown and they're going off probably next week! I know there are reasons why I'm having to do it sooner than I had hoped, but I feel bad about that and I also feel bad about the fact that all I'm doing is buying 2 more weaners to rear for meat. I'm doing it all a little bit clinically aren't I & not really 'getting my hands dirty'. Do you know what I mean? Am I being stupid?

Anyway, fraudulent pig farmer is what I am for the moment and I think that Eddie & Tubbs might be a bit too fat. They have a bit of a roll going on down their legs. I've no idea whether this is normal or not as I'm just a fraud, but it seems to me that the subject of how much I've been feeding them has reared it's ugly head again. Bit late now I know, and I suppose I wont know for sure until they're back from the abattoir... I can't believe how much of a dilemma this has been for me - I just hope that my lack of knowledge hasn't been to the detriment of the quality of their meat.....

We had a rodent-filled day yesterday. Jeff found a live rat in one of the traps in the barn (it's a humane trap, don't worry), but he obviously then did away with the said ratty once he found him.... I also came into the lounge to discover Halle Berry & Buddy being 'bessies' under the desk I'm currently sitting at. 'Strange', I thought, they don't usually sit so close to eachother without one of them being asleep. It didn't take long to realise that they were in fact both staring at the very same spot underneath Jeff-bob's guitar. And then I saw it's cute little nose & whiskers poking out. Halle Berry had brought in a little mouse and they were both there waiting for it to come out, gasping it's last little breaths as Halle had obviously played around with it so much that it was near to death. Buddy does make me laugh though, he just kept whimpering while he looked at it - he has a heart, bless him. Not like that little brown serial killer child of mine.

I couldn't just leave it there, but I absolutely hate having to pick up mice. Ridiculous I know. By the time I'd found a suitable receptacle to put it in, it had moved across to the other corner of the room. I'm not quite sure whether that was of it's own accord or whether the furry brown killer had picked it out from it's hidey hole. When I finally got to it, it was no longer of this world. I very bravely picked it up & put it in the wheelie bin. Jeff wasn't here to tell me whether or not that was the right thing to do. Are you allowed to just wheelie bin them? God, I'm such a girl...

I'm talking to a florist on Saturday about flowers for the wedding. I don't want anything grand, just something simple & some button holes for the men & corsages for the ladies. There will only be a dozen of us at the ceremony, so it's not going to cost an arm & a leg. Although as soon as you mention 'wedding' to these shop people, you can practically see their eyes light up & pound signs appear. Bastards. I might wear my wellies there just so they think I'm a proper poor pig farmer, not the fraud I truly am....

Speak soon.

VP x