I feel like a bit of a fraud....

It's not like I'm a proper pig farmer, is it? I mean, I read all about my pal Malc's antics & he's really into this now - he has a couple of sows ready to pop their first litter & he's managing to take his first two pigs to their optimum weight before they go to slaughter. Having seen how big pigs get at the age of a year, I realise my two poor buggers are far from fully grown and they're going off probably next week! I know there are reasons why I'm having to do it sooner than I had hoped, but I feel bad about that and I also feel bad about the fact that all I'm doing is buying 2 more weaners to rear for meat. I'm doing it all a little bit clinically aren't I & not really 'getting my hands dirty'. Do you know what I mean? Am I being stupid?

Anyway, fraudulent pig farmer is what I am for the moment and I think that Eddie & Tubbs might be a bit too fat. They have a bit of a roll going on down their legs. I've no idea whether this is normal or not as I'm just a fraud, but it seems to me that the subject of how much I've been feeding them has reared it's ugly head again. Bit late now I know, and I suppose I wont know for sure until they're back from the abattoir... I can't believe how much of a dilemma this has been for me - I just hope that my lack of knowledge hasn't been to the detriment of the quality of their meat.....

We had a rodent-filled day yesterday. Jeff found a live rat in one of the traps in the barn (it's a humane trap, don't worry), but he obviously then did away with the said ratty once he found him.... I also came into the lounge to discover Halle Berry & Buddy being 'bessies' under the desk I'm currently sitting at. 'Strange', I thought, they don't usually sit so close to eachother without one of them being asleep. It didn't take long to realise that they were in fact both staring at the very same spot underneath Jeff-bob's guitar. And then I saw it's cute little nose & whiskers poking out. Halle Berry had brought in a little mouse and they were both there waiting for it to come out, gasping it's last little breaths as Halle had obviously played around with it so much that it was near to death. Buddy does make me laugh though, he just kept whimpering while he looked at it - he has a heart, bless him. Not like that little brown serial killer child of mine.

I couldn't just leave it there, but I absolutely hate having to pick up mice. Ridiculous I know. By the time I'd found a suitable receptacle to put it in, it had moved across to the other corner of the room. I'm not quite sure whether that was of it's own accord or whether the furry brown killer had picked it out from it's hidey hole. When I finally got to it, it was no longer of this world. I very bravely picked it up & put it in the wheelie bin. Jeff wasn't here to tell me whether or not that was the right thing to do. Are you allowed to just wheelie bin them? God, I'm such a girl...

I'm talking to a florist on Saturday about flowers for the wedding. I don't want anything grand, just something simple & some button holes for the men & corsages for the ladies. There will only be a dozen of us at the ceremony, so it's not going to cost an arm & a leg. Although as soon as you mention 'wedding' to these shop people, you can practically see their eyes light up & pound signs appear. Bastards. I might wear my wellies there just so they think I'm a proper poor pig farmer, not the fraud I truly am....

Speak soon.

VP x

I've chosen them!

The two new weaners that is. Jeff & I went to the college earlier today & met with Janet, the farm manager there who's lovely & even though she's extremely busy (they're about to open their doors to the public tomorrow), took an hour out of her time to show us around. Bloody nora, until we went there, I thought Edward & Tubbs were quite a size - they look absolutely tiny in comparison to the fully grown sows & boars they have at the farm! I realise the adult pigs there are all at least a year old, but it just brought home to me the fact that I'm having to send E & T an awful lot earlier than I would really have liked to. Still, I've definitely learned a lesson this time round & my next two will go to at least 8 months old. I've chosen a British Lop (the rarest breed in Britain apparently) and a Saddleback cross - I can't remember what the sow was crossed with (when I speak to Janet again, I'll find out), but the piglet I picked out is gorgeous - almost totally black with a little white blaze on her head and a touch of pink on her nose. Both piglets are still with their brothers and sisters and are still being fed by their mums, but they're due for weaning next week so I'll pick them up the weekend after Edward & Tubbs go - around the 12th/13th.

So I now having something to look forward to, which is helping take the edge off of E & T going. Everybody said I should do this because it'll make sending off my piggy babies that much easier & yes, I do feel better now.

Speak soon.

VP x

The end is nigh....

Trevor (the butcher) came yesterday. Edward & Tubbs will be going the week after next. Probably Wednesday April 2nd. He's going to call me once he's arranged it with the abattoir so I can sort the movement licences out etc. He left and I immediately came & told Jeff. Amazingly I didn't get upset. A bit sad, yes but certainly not tearful. I think that made me feel bad though!

Why was I not shedding a tear for my (not so) little pigs?!

I went in to see them after he'd gone & gave them a little scratch & a stroke. They were both behaving themselves - they're so cute when they're like that - all warm & snuggled in their straw. They were trying to look me in the eye. I tried to avoid contact! As much as I'm fine about all of this now, it still feels very strange going through this process - sending a perfectly healthy live animal to it's death. Having said that, I've made a list already of how I want Edward to be butchered. Tubbs'll be the wedding feast, but Rock Steady's going to be our main meat supply for hopefully a good few months to come. Sounds very clinical doesn't it? But, that's the way it is & I'm actually looking forward to tasting them. I'm hoping they'll be vastly different to any other pork I've ever had. If they're not, I'll be mightily pissed off, I can tell you!

I'll call the lady at the college on Tuesday to arrange to pick out a couple of newbies. I want some chickens as well. They can all live in the barn together. I'd like to rescue a few hens from the Battery Hen Welfare Trust. I thought that might boost my somewhat depleted karma after E & T have gone to piggy heaven...

Took a photo of Halle Berry last night. She's been jumping in the log basket lately & having a rummage before jumping out again. We thought she might have been going in there to poo, but luckily she isn't. Don't know what fun she has - there are probably spiders in there that she eats. Anyway, I managed to catch her before she jumped out - quite a funny photo. She looks evil!



Speak soon.

VP x

I survived! Hurrah!

Bonjour tout le monde! We arrived back on Tuesday & now's the first chance I've had to sit down and actually write something. What with the piles of washing, piles of ironing & trying to placate my furry kids so that they know we're not about to leave them again, it's been non-stop! We had a lovely holiday, the snow held out for us & the sun shone gloriously for a few days. We took extra special care to ensure we didn't get a bad case of goggle face - now that wouldn't look good for our big day, would it? And we're refreshed & raring to go. Well, sort of. I always need a bit of coaxing to get raring... the good intent's there, I just get a bit of the post-holiday blues when I come home. I'd rather live in France you see. Have wanted to live there for a very long time & one day I'm pretty sure that dream will come true, but for now I have to make do with England. Sorry to all of those who read this who love their motherland, but I think I was born to be French & love all things French. Except andouilettes. Eugh. Anyway, we had a marvellous time - Liz & Ian (who we stayed with) were wonderful hosts and we can't wait to go back to see them. Their chalet is beautiful and they have 3 lovely dogs - one of whom I took an extra special shine to (sorry Buddy). His name's Charlie - here are a couple of pictures. Look how handsome he is. I also love the fact that you can take dogs into restaurants over there...





More importantly, I'm getting better at boarding! I spent an awful lot less time on my derriere than I did last year! I'm still lacking confidence regarding getting some speed up, but I'm sure that will improve on next year's holiday. Yay! I'm a dude! Well, maybe....

I was expecting Edward & Tubbs to look much bigger than they were when I left them, but in actual fact I initially didn't notice any difference in their size. However, since being in with them again, they've definitely got wider & a lot more 'filled out'. I was expecting the butcher to come yesterday to check on their progress (he wants to make sure Tubbs doesn't get too big for the spit), but he got called away elsewhere, so he'll come over in the next couple of days. I have a feeling though that the end is nigh.... It's funny, I feel totally detached from them at the moment. I suppose being away for a week has helped and I have to say I didn't miss them at all. Is that bad?? Of course I don't wish them any harm, but I can honestly say I'm not going to have any trouble doing this. I still think I'll shed a tear, I'm not a heartless cow, but I'm at ease with it all now. Once we know when they'll be going, I'll get in touch with the lady at the college about the two newbies.

It's a miserable old day here today (as I think it is pretty much everywhere) & the rest of the weekend doesn't look much better. The pigs are in a quagmire - I struggle to stay on my feet when I go in with them...

Anyway, I'd better get going for now - the kennels are gearing up for the weekend today, we're pretty much full by the end of tomorrow so it's going to be a busy weekend.

Speak soon.

VP x

I'm such a bad mom & Mrs-to-be

I'm abandoning my children. Furry & hairy kinds that is. I don't have any of the pink flesh kind. Not yet anyway. And if I did, I'd probably be abandoning them too. The thing is, I don't really feel very guilty. I'm toe-tapping & sit-down-dancing to a Soul Wax mix as I type. That's not the behaviour of a woman who's guilty, is it?? When I say abandon, of course I don't mean properly abandon, before someone out there calls the RSPCA. I'm leaving my brood in the care of John & Barbara. Jeffers & I are off snowboarding! Woo hoo! And the reason I'm a terrible girlfriend is because I've gone & lost Jeff's sunglasses. It's the 3rd pair of sunglasses I've lost in the last 2 years. I'm not to be trusted. The most annoying thing about it (to me, that is - not Jeff, he's just plain annoyed) is that I love those sunglasses - I wear them all the time & they really suit me. Darn it. I'll just have to wear my own now. No doubt I'll lose them too... To top it all, I've not blogged in nearly a week! How crap am I??! I'm sorry, there's just been tons of stuff to do this week & the wedding plans are in full 'can we talk about something other than getting married now' flow. It's driven us both a little crazy. Of course it's exciting & lovely & you only do it once (well, twice in my case but we'll gloss over that one), but I'm so glad it's only next month - I'd go properly mad if it was any later in the year. I'm having to take about 20 Kalms a day already. I'm all about the hard drugs, me.

Anyway, Edward & Tubbs are good - they're none the wiser about us going away & John has all of the necessary instructions re feed etc.

So, I shall say adieu for just over a week - we're back on the 17th & hopefully I'll still have a fully working body in order to be able to let you know how it went. Not being pessimistic or anything, but it'll be sods law I break something 6 weeks before my wedding day. A divorced bride in a plaster cast. Dead classy.

Take care everyone, speak soon.

VP x

They mugged me for my doughnuts!

If they had hoodies, they'd have ASBO's by now, for sure....

I went up to the village for some groceries & popped into the little Co-op & found a bag of apples & a bag of 10 jam doughnuts on the whoopsie counter. Ahhh, I thought, I'll treat Edward & Tubbs & give them a few apples and a doughnut each for their tea & their breakkie over the next few days... I came back home all pleased with myself for being so lovely & thrifty all at the same time & told Barbara (my mum-in-law-to-be) of my purchase. She said she had a little bunch of grapes that were past their best & that I could chuck them in the trough too.

Off I went to the patch with a smile on my face & quite possibly whistling. I wasn't whistling, but you get the picture, I was feeling pretty chilled & totally not ready for what came next. I should have known there was trouble ahead when they were standing high on their midden looking like they meant business. They had also been doing some landscape gardening it seemed - there's a few paving slabs in their patch which I use to step on to fill their trough, in an attempt to stay mud-free. The slabs have been there long before E &T and were quite solidly set. Well, there were a few of them that had been tossed to one side & the trough was tipped over & all their footballs had quite obviously been played with. Still, in I went & they came running straight over to me - Tubbs trying to bite at my knees & Edward standing slightly back but I'm sure I could hear him egging her on. I frantically threw the bunch of grapes in their trough hoping they would distract them while I got a couple of doughnuts & apples out of my bag. I know, I know, I should have got them out of the bag before I went in there, but I didn't. Anyway, they took one look at the grapes & looked back up at me with that 'we know there's better stuff than this in that bag' look & ran at me, squeaking & honking & tore the bag from my hand!!! The apples & doughnuts went everywhere & they proceeded to hoover everything up before my eyes. I scrabbled to try to save some of the doughnuts & managed to get 3 back in my bag & I literally ran out of there!! My heart was racing, my cheeks were flushed & I certainly wasn't whistling!

Bloody little hooligans.

VP x